I Eat Pieces Like You For Breakfast.

My friend Mike doesn’t think I really work.  When we first met, I jokingly answered his “what do you do for a living” with my typical cynical response to the question, “I’m a SAHDiNK” – that’s pronounced SAH – DINK.  Then the next typical question is, “What?”.  Then I explain the acronym is for Stay At Home Dad, No Kids.  I came up with that saying to make fun of the acronym DINK.  Babs (My mom) called me that one day to make fun of me and The Wife.  So my response was, “What if I quit my job?  Then I’d be a SAHDiNK!”  She gave me the evil eye and I quickly dropped it.  Babs is a single liberal woman.  You don’t want to make any comments that suggest you’re being rude to a lady.  “You treat a lady with RESPECT!” Maybe that’s why she made me take Cotillion when I was a young chap? I’m rambling.

Anyway, so the first time he and I met, we had this conversation.  He thought my response was funny.  I think.  I can’t really tell sometimes with Mike because he has this blank start response and you don’t know if he’s going to burst out laughing or put you in a choke-hold.  So fast forward to a few months later.  We’re at a nice Las Vegas restaurant, Carluccios Tivoli Gardens (I highly recommend – right next to the Liberace Museum), sitting in the atrium, eating the bread that was just delivered, when Mike looks straight at me and says, “What do you think of Drew Carey replacing Bob Barker on the Price Is Right?” He doesn’t even crack a smile.  He just said straight to me like he’d been pondering his feelings on this whole CBS decision to replace Bob Barker with Drew Carey.  I thought to myself, “How should I Frerking (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) know?”  I mean, really, when did I become an expert on the Price Is Right? Then, in his Mike way, he looks straight at me again and with a delivery only Mike can pull off, he says, “That’s what you do all day, right?  Just watch TV?”  Defeated as can be, I watched as The Wife and Jen laughed their butts off at my expense.

I work.  I know no one thinks I do.  Donnie Boom Boom (my Dad) definitely doesn’t think I work. He told my sister that.  But I do work!  In fact, just yesterday, I had a local Spokane company ask me to talk to them about the Web Business.  I put on my best Seven Jeans, my Express blue and white striped shirt and my Wood Grain Aldo shoes with matching belt  – Yes Boys – You MUST match your belt with your shoes – we’ll have a fashion discussion later.  And the Pièce de résistance – my brand new Ted Baker Chesterfield Coat.  See, a long time ago, a colleague of mine looked at my bad outfit at work one day and said, “Ash, don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want to have.  And, I’m not necessarily talking about your clothes.”   It was obviously about selling your self.  So, I learned that if you want to impress someone in business, you have to own the meeting.

Now, that mentality can get you into trouble, but it works a majority of the time.  Especially in my industry where it is a lot of introverted people who don’t interact well in meeting situations.  So I bring to the table the opposite.  I own the meeting.  So, I’m meeting with these two guys yesterday and I have this thought as one of them is speaking.

I wonder…Here I am, a business owner- it says CEO on my business card.  I’m an expert in my industry.  THE GUY that they want to be talking to.  They must think I’m a powerhouse.  A bad a$$ business man – all knowing.  They must think “I’ll bet he eats people for breakfast all day long.”

So, later last night, I’m driving with The Wife and I confess this thought to her.  She laughed at me, put her hand on my shoulder and said, “Oh Ash, you are a funny man!”  I think she was mocking me.  So then I told her that I had a thought after that thought.

What they don’t know is that I actually eat Lucky Charms for breakfast.  Then I usually change out of my PJ’s at about 11:30, make the bed and then shower.

Tags: Babs, Boodel Consulting, Breakfast, Business, Consulting, Donnie Boom Boom, Internet Marketing, Mike & Jersey Jen, My Imagination, SAHDiNK, The Wife, TV, Websites

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